Le Sexpert

Another Milf Movie to Manhandle your Meat to…Even though this is number 9, its the first Nymph Fever movie I’ve seen. (maybe hearing the beatles revolution #9 too many times messing with my priorities…..dooo doo doo doo) The heat factor, while not anything truly special, was good enough that at some point I will take a look for more in the series. The producers or whomever certainly did not lie when titling Nymph Fever 9 anyways.

They played it safely to make sure they got nymphs for Nymph Fever 9, and searched that 30-something milf market, grabbing sluts who obviously love sucking, fucking and doing it on camera for your pleasure as much as Rosie O’Donnell enjoys eating small foreign children.

No matter what kind of porn, (except that ugliness movie I reviewed the other day) whether it’s amateur or professional…high budget or lower end scale like this one; there is one thing that makes porn hot or not, (unless you’re some kinda sicko wackjob who should be in jail) the total into-it-iveness of the chicks as they ride their way thru the pussy pounding movie that they are in. I almost think that, just like with steroids in sports, they are going to have to regulate MILF action in movies one day soon, cos getting chicks like that to be in amateurish movies like this when they are in their sexual prime is almost rigging the game…like getting Roger Clemens to pitch for a ten-year old baseball team.

See that’s the thing about Nymph Fever 9, there was no one spectacular outta sight sex scene that really stood out, yet the true nymphomania on display carried the whole movie enough that I was able to cum twice watching it, and therefore

Nymph Fever 9 gets four cocks-up.

Maybe I just live in a totally social conscious town, or watch too many other tv stations instead of Fox, but all I’ve heard about the last week has been Earth Day. Now don’t get me wrong, I agree the earth is all far-out, hip, groovy and happening…and if I saw Mother Nature I would not hesitate to let her have a taste of my cock before I plowed it into her. What more respect for the earth could anybody expect from me? But I would like to use this porn review as a chance to bring out a movie to remind us that the earth isn’t the only far-out groovy thing to celebrate, and that we can also enjoy the glory of a full moon.

In porn, just like in life, there are two sets of sluts…first you have your cock and pussy and tit loving, ball sucking fuck-me fuck-me basic slut. Then you have the chicks in this movie…which is your basic slut plus the eagerness to take it in every hole as well as getting more than one filled at the same time…the super-sluts around which so many intense splooge sessions for serious jackers revolve.

Three cheers for the chicks in All About Ass 2. Since I’m doing this review as a ‘Moon Day’ review I must say this is the most awesome movie to do it to.

Four scenes to jam out to while you watch these super-sluts in action. They do not hesitate to use these cocks in any way that they can, and go totally crazy loud while they explode in hole filled orgasm after hole filled orgasm until finally they get to show us that their love for cum is equal to their love for cock.

All About Ass 2 highlights ass action at its finest, gets four cocks-up and the recommendation that you don’t forget about the Moon in all the hub-bub about Earth Day, and make sure you get some anal action tonight.

There are certain people in the world who have helped in many of civilization’s advances; architects, physicists, philosophers, and sluts. All of these people understood that in many situations, and hypothetical situations there were holes in reality that needed to be filled.

This film, Double Dipped 2, is a giant kudos to all of these people who have understood that holes need to be filled…well, the sluts anyway.

Man this movie is totally slutteriffic, sploogetastic and downright nasty to the extreme. Four scenes…any of which you can blow your load to, and they must have searched for some of the sluttiest ebony sex stars they could find. These yummy chocolate cum suckers’ only problem is that they are under achievers…cos man, when you have chicks as slutty as this wanting to take it in every hole, begging the dudes fucking them to delve deeper into their dusky goodness, it just becomes a fudge mountain of fuck goodness.

The cocks that these sluts are being slammed with are fucking huge and Double Dipped 2 gets four hard cocks-up for its downright slutty action. Next time make it a gangbang and they’ll get five.

Take a ride in the sky…on a ship fantasize…all your dreams will come true…man, Earth Wind and Fire understood bringing fantasies to life as well as setting the groove and getting the funk out. Now Fantasies of the Flesh has some semi-known pornstars sharing their fantasies with us. I guess these fuck-models have had their originality and imagination fucked right out of them.

Now you would think that with everything these porn actors and actresses have done, get to do, and have seen, that they would have broader than just standard top ten list fuck-fantasies. It seemed to me more like they were reading a script of what their fantasies were (or trying to read them) probably based on a cosmopolitan magazine poll of top ten fantasies.

FANTASIES of the FLESH

Fantasizing about being locked up and then having some group sex, squirting chicks, two girls on a guy, semi-exotic locations (but nowhere that the average John and Jane Doe don’t go)…c’mon man, these are things that these porn actors and actresses do all the time in their other movies. If these really are their fantasies, then at least they are incredibly lucky in that they get their fantasies fulfilled so often. The sex in the movie was decent enough, but if they are fuckstars, then it damn well better be.

Fantasies of the Flesh gets two cocks-up for some superior photography as well as decent sex, but unless you’re shopping for a movie based on some funky photography work as well as Ken and Barbie fuck-models, I would look for something else to watch.

Hollywood is filled with tons of ‘black movies’ most notably starring Ice Cube, or Ice T, or some type of Ice anyway, where they have these parties that just ‘rock the house dawg.’ Well, Chunky Slumber Party sure as hell rocks the house too with some hard pounding, booty banging, titty swaying orgasms, and sex scenes that bring to mind a small earthquake as the tremors of pleasure flow for these BBW sluts, and Chunky Slumber Party was surprisingly better than I thought it would be, which is ironic because if porn movies could be said to have any meaning or messages, the meaning behind this one would be, don’t make negative presumptions.

Four fun-time fatty fuck scenes result for our pleasure from a horny but stupid dude looking for some hot female flesh and some sweet ass titties for his enjoyment, and instead because he’s a fucking moron he ends up getting more than he wanted or bargained for, but discovering that maybe what he really wanted was what he ended up getting after all, cos damn these chicks may be the size of one and a half to two other chicks, but they’ve also got the horniness and sluttiness of any one and a half to two chicks as well.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Click here to view Chunky Slumber Party ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There’s nothing really nichey, kinky or gangbangy, but the sex in this movie is surprisingly way hotter than I assumed it would be, cos these chicks love cock and pussy and obviously get off on showing us how much they enjoy their carnal college pleasures.

Chunky Slumber Party gets three and a half hard cocks-up and if it’s like those other rock the house movies, maybe we’ll get treated to a sequel.

The Babysitter is a fuck-flick that totally should’ve been filmed across the ocean with buxom British babysitters, and then they could also have called it Naughty Nasty Nympho Nannies, which has a way cooler sound to it I figure, as well as cranking up the ol’ slut meter a few more degrees in temperature. It’s not the greatest of movies I’ve reviewed, but at least it keeps a very formula progression with sex that is hot enough to jack off to.

I know that porn isn’t the deepest movie but I do have to wonder, if even only briefly, what the hell the babysitter’s being hired for when they’re obviously not at a home, nor is there anyone to babysit…but oh well, like with most porn, hit the fastscan button and get to the sex, which like I said, is decent enough.

Four far-out hardcore homegirl scenes of sex to skim through and enjoy as these chicks show that they are always ready, willing and eager to earn a little bit of extra money and have fun at the same time. Not only that, but they are slutty enough that they don’t just stick to cock and get treated to some pretty hot and intense chick on chick action.

While not the strongest movie, The Babysitter had enough rock hard fucking to earn itself a decent watchable three cocks-up.

To paraphrase Steppenwolf in their satirical song about marijuana…’well it’s evil, wicked, mean, and nasty…most folks call it ass Sam’ and these chicks are the nastiest of the nasty, but if you’re a total perv like me, then that nasty is oh so nice. The ultra-sluts in this movie are so fucking slutty and ready for action with an intensity that tells you as soon as they start fucking that these are the kind of babes that are eager to do what straighter chicks only dream about in their darkest most decadent dreams.

Just like yesterday’s movie, we get a quintet of hot scenes but unfortunately even though Ass to Mouth 10’s a splooge-worthy fuck-flick, and as I said, the nasty nymphomania of these ass-sluts shines through, the producers I guess limited their sluttiness and you’re stuck with just one-on-one scenes.

Personally I would’ve exploited these babe’s insatiable appetites and it would’ve been gang-bang after gang-bang as they took those cocks in their holes and then showed us in multiples of what we get to see, how much they enjoy cleaning off a cock that has been plunged deep in their ass.

Speaking of plunges, this movie would have had five cocks-up if it had shown more hardcore intensity with multiple partners, but instead gets a solid four cocks-up for the sluttiness of the actresses.

Time for some more double-dipping dark decadence as the countdown to easter continues with a chocolate quintet of creamy goodness.

I was at the mall earlier cruising past Laura Secord’s and I saw those big ass specialty huge freakin chocolate rabbits that they have…yknow the $300+ ones and I thought to myself…yeah man, some big chocolate bunnies sure would be tasty, so here we are with Chocolate Gazongas.

Dude…watching this flick and seeing these dark skinned fuck-divas of dusky decadence getting it on and how slutty they can be, I can understand why they were the ones so popular as slaves, cos man, I would own me some of that, but I guess when you want it as badly as these chicks do, it isn’t ownership it’s just enjoyment.

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Once again my problem with this movie is that it’s just all basic one-on-one sex through all five scenes, and when you have sluts that want it as much as these chicks, it’s a crime not to demonstrate all that they can do, and all that they can take. Which brings up the other thing I wonder about this movie…okay, these chicks have big tits and this one of them especially has a huge ass…now they call this ghetto booty, but if somebody’s from the ghetto, wouldn’t they have a bony starved ass?

Oh well…whatever, Chocolate Gazongas gets three and a half cocks-up. Only three cos of it all being one-on-one, but the extra half cos the chicks were hot.

Watching this movie makes me think that they should make a porn version of Dr Seuss’s classic The Lorax…and yknow you can just totally see Ron Jeremy as The Lorax, short little hairy dude with wild hair and a big walrus mustache…totally sounds like it was written for him. I mean, if someone did a poll to find out how many totally nasty ultra-sluts there were out there I bet there would be enough that we could save a zillion trees by getting rid of the toilet paper industry and just have chicks like this ready and willing to savor some smelly ass whenever needed.

~~~~~ CLICK TO WATCH BUTT MUNCHERS ~~~~~

There are some babes who were put on this planet completely for the purpose of sex and granting pleasure…good casting call on this movie, you found some of these babes. These chicks show scene after scene how much they love fucking and as the heat goes up their lust goes up too and they go crazy on cock (or in some cases even more than one cock) and beg for the taste of ass and cum.

Butt Munchers gets four sweaty cocks-up.